If Anything Calls For Your Pity...

...it's Skating With Celebrities.

My God.

If I ever find myself pandering for that one last bit of adoration, fucking shoot me.

I would rather have wolverines knash at my nipples than shrug off the small bit of intergity that warms my narrow shoulders.

Todd Bridges dressed as a cowboy, complete with "cowboy boot skates"? Then he pulls the "what'ch you talkin' about" with a judge. Again with the pandering and dissolving integrity...

Bruce Jenner looking much more like the Good Humor Man than Lt. Mayo.

Dave Coulier and Nancy Kerrigan as the Blues Brothers? C'mon Dave. Cut...It...Out. I thought you were a comedian! You should have wowed the crowd with a comedic rendition of the "Nancy - Asp - Knee Hurt - Why? Why? Why?" At least your artistic scores would have been better, although your skating was frighteningly good for someone who's been "blown in a theater". Was that theater in the East Village?

All in all, a depressing parade of shattered lives.

Of course I'll watch again!



Does anybody remember Gummy Worms?