Hey Pumpkin Tits!

So, in the haze of a Thanksgiving hangover, I plop down into the recesses of my overstuffed chair and plant myself in front of the television.

I am grasping a plate in my right hand, on which rests an enormous piece of pumpkin pie.

The plate nuzzles against my belly and I'm quickly forking through it.

I apply firm downward pressure with my fork, and in the blink of an eye the entire slice jumps off the plate, careens of my tits and lands in my lap.

With cat like, ok, bear like reflexes, I grip the pie between my index finger and thumb and place it back on my plate.

I then look down and notice I have pumpkin pie skid marks from my tits to my lap.

Fucking Thanksgiving.

First the

• the pilgrim incident

now the Titted Pie Man fiasco.