Viva Las Van!

An email exchange today between Meredith and I. I'm in bold. Anything in quotes should be read aloud in a deep and bellowing voice, as if Van is saying it.

The Set Up: Van & Meredith are getting married in Las Vegas in October.

THIS JUST IN:
THERE IS A HAUFBRAUHAUS IN LAS VEGAS. AUTHENTIC REPLICATION!!!!
EIN, ZWEI, ZUFFA!!!!!!

I'm getting more details now.

Ja! Das ist sehr gut!

In Munchen hat der Haufbrauhas, ein, zwei, zuffa!

Ein prosit, ein prosit, der gemuncliheit!

oh we would make ABSOLUTE FOOLS of ourselves at a haufbrauhaus. whether we were drunk or not. everything would be either "nicht so gut" or "nein!" or "das ist zehr gut". we'd just keep using the simple phrases we knew over and over and over again.
the germans, when they come over, don't know what I'm doing when I sing something like "der hut, der hat, drei ecken". apparently that's not a popular song in germany.

If we go, Van has to wear his lederhosen T-shirt.

OH DEFINITELY. I didn't even think about that! I need to start making a clothes list for him for what he needs to bring.

"Meredith, have you seen my Jerry Springer Security shirt and my wrestling shoes?"

"Meredith, remember those cowboy boots I had? did we for sure throw those away?"

Van, yes, they had cat puke on them.

"Meredith, that's too bad, I could have probably gotten some leather polish and cleaned them up. I realy wanted to wear those when we go see the desert."

"Meredith, have you seen my white rugby shorts and green and blue plaid swim trunks?"

"Meredith, are we going to a dance club at all? because I had these orange disco pants that might still fit..."

"Daisy, no, GRACIE, stop that, git, go on, OUT, OUT, no, those are my NEW VEGAS SHIRTS, GIT!"

"Meredith, do you think I can wear those Bud Dry shorts for swimming trunks?"

"Have you seen my Reebok pumps? I think maybe we'll play tennis while we're there."

I hear this almost on a daily basis:

"Meredith, I was looking at this one thing online...."

and that is usually followed by one of the following:

"and they have these helicopter rides an dinner at the haufbrauhaus for $110.00 a person...."

"and we can take a helicopter grand canyon tour for $300.00 a person..."

"there are these one things that are exact replicas of..." put your item here "

"for our wedding we could..."

"there's a rickshaw that we could go on and tour 'glitter gulch' it says right here 'for 39.95 a person you can take a fabulous rickshaw tour of the impressive downtown lightshow, rickshaw driver will provide one 3 mile round trip tour, 1 5x7 glossy of you and your partner on the rickshaw, and dinner for an additional charge, **ask about our rickshaw wedding package!!' Meredith, I think we should do that, we don't have to get married on it but it shows an actual chinese guy pulling it..."

Yes, he does like "authentic" entertainment.

The rickshaw guy sounds so up his alley. Just like the guy that he got the ride from at the stadium, in fucking 100 degree heat, who he didn't tip. Oh wait, he DID give him a bottle of water...

Just what this small Chinese man needs is to struggle through a tour of "Glitter Gulch" with a 300lb+ man and his new bride who are both smoking and possibly both sipping on tall, fruited drinks, strapped to his back.

That Van, always thinking of others...