Clarity is a Gift

So I had a day yesterday that included me uncharacteristically unravelling and screaming at my boss that if things didn't change, he'd be without me.

Then I spent the rest of the day thinking about how much I hate my job and how I should act on the opportunities that are currently being floated and that my problems begin and end with my job.

What a bunch of bullshit.

I reacted emotionally to something that was said, and I blew up.

It's so unlike my professional demeanor. (My private life, however, is full of spontenaity and lacks discipline) I am emotionally detached, diplomatic and calculating.

And it pissed me off that I lost it.

It was only after I got home, sulked for an hour and talked with Trixie that I came to the realization that the problem was ME.

I ran from my last job to this one because I was being forced out politically and when I discovered I didn't like this job, I went running to look for another.

It's time to stop running.

Even if I do take the job that's wafting under my nostrils, I can't run to it. Not for more money. Not for more responsibility. It's got to be for the right reasons. And at this point, I don't know what those reasons are.